Natsume's Heart
by rei michiru
Summary: What if Gakuen Alice does not exist and they’re just ordinary teenagers? Mikan is sick and dying and Natsume is a what!
1. Chapter 1

**Natsume's Heart**

Genre: Romance/Drama

Fiction Rated: K+

Summary: What if Gakuen Alice does not exist and they're just ordinary teenagers? Mikan is sick and dieing and Natsume is a what! MxN pairing

Author's note: I don't own Gakuen Alice. My very first fanfic so please be gentle with your reviews ok?

Chapter 1

She couldn't breathe. Gasping for air, Mikan Sakura struggled to keep from blacking out and not to panic. It wasn't as if this hadn't happened many times before. Above her, she saw the faces of emergency room doctors and nurses. Behind them, she saw her anxious parents.

"We got her here as fast as we could," her mother told one of the doctors. "It came on so suddenly. We didn't have any warning."

"Yes, Mrs. Sakura. We're doing all we can for Mikan."

A doctor eased an oxygen mask over Mikan's face. A nurse shot a syringeful of medication into the IV line already hooked to her arm. Immediately Mikan felt her breathing slow, her heart stops its awful fluttering. Electrodes were stuck onto her heaving chest and hooked to a bedside heart monitor. The green squiggly line looked like an electronic scream. Mikan knew that in a way it was a scream-a cry for help from her virus-damaged heart. She should be used to it. It had been going on for four years, this failing of her heart, this struggling, stutter-step dance it did when she least expected it. She also knew she'd never get used to it.

"How are you feeling, Mikan?" The doctor leaned over her.

His face came into focus slowly. Why did doctors always speak in the first person plural? As if they were victims too? This doctor wasn't. He couldn't possibly know what it was like to live like a broken toy, never knowing when she'd wind down. "I'm…fine," she managed to say.

"She's not fine," her father contradicted. "I want her heart specialist called immediately."

"Dr. Misaki's already been paged. She should be here soon."

As if she'd heard her name, Dr. Misaki breezed into the room. She was a tall, slender woman in her forties, with pinkish hair pulled back in a severe bun. She wore no makeup.

"What's up?" she asked the ER doctor.

He rattled of a list of medical terms, which Mikan ignored. _My heart is lousy,_ Mikan wanted to say sarcastically_. And you-all can't fix it._ The muscle, weakened by a virus when she was twelve, had turned her into an invalid, and there didn't seem to be anything medical science could do to change it for her.

"Look, Mikan, I'm going to have to admit you," Dr. Misaki said, looking down at her.

"No---" Mikan gasped, trying to pull off the oxygen mask.

Dr. Misaki held down Mikan's hand. "I know it's not what you want, but we have no choice."

"School---"

"Can wait," the doctor said firmly.

"I…just started back…" Tears welled in Mikan's eyes.

"I know. But there's no choice. You've got pneumonia in your left lung, and that's making your heart work harder. We all know it _can't _work harder." Dr. Misaki's voice was soft and kind, but the blow it delivered to Mikan felt devastating.

"How long this time?" Mikan asked, blinking back tears. Over the past year, she'd spent a total of six weeks in the hospital. Now, here at the start of the final two months of her junior year, she was going to have to drop out of classes once more. It wasn't fair.

"As long as it takes," Dr. Misaki answered.

Mikan's mother took her hand. "I'll get your teachers to prepare work for you. You'll be able to keep up."

"Keeping up isn't the problem," Mikan said. How did she explain that her long absences from school made her a social outcast? Cliques were set. Friends were bonded. Boys had already chosen girlfriends and dates to the junior-senior dance. Mikan only had one true friend---Hotaru Imai---and with this newest sentence of hospital imprisonment, she had little hope of fitting in again.

"I'm sorry, honey."

Mikan nodded, resigned. She had no arguments left. She was going to be hospitalized regardless. Arguments and tears took breath and energy, and at the moment, she had neither.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Natsume's Heart**_

Summary: What if Gakuen Alice does not exist and they're just ordinary teenagers? Mikan is sick and dieing and Natsume is a what! MxN pairing

Author's note: I don't own Gakuen Alice. My very first fanfic so please be gentle with your reviews ok?

**Chapter 2**

Mikan's room at the teen Wing of the hospital's pediatric floor was private and overlooked the Hudson River. The trees lining the river's banks were just beginning to emerge from their winter's sleep, and their branches appeared to be trimmed with green lace. "Nice view," Mikan's father said. "I'll get an orderly to push your bed closer to the window so you can enjoy it."

The staff had welcomed her when she'd come on the floor. Most knew her name, as she knew theirs. Not much turnover, which her father always said was a sign of employee contentment. He ran his own small computer business and employed several workers. But Mikan didn't care about the nurses loving their jobs – she just liked seeing familiar faces.

A nurse named Nonoko set up an oxygen tent above Mikan's bed. "We'll get these vapors going and you'll feel better in no time," Nonoko said.

"Not soon enough." Mikan knew the drill by heart. Oxygen tent until her lungs cleared. Medicines in her IV lines to heal her lungs and calm her heart. When she came out of the tent, more days in bed hooked to oxygen. Then, slowly, she could get up and venture down the hall in a wheelchair to the game room. Finally, she could begin walking. And then one day, when Dr. Misaki deemed it all right, she could go home. Until the next time. And there was always the next time.

Her father asked about moving the bed.

"I'll have to get longer tubing," Nonoko said. The oxygen hookup came out of the wall above Mikan's bed. "But it shouldn't be a problem. I'll have someone come up and position the bed later." She patted Mikan's arm. "Nothing's too good for one of my favorite patients."

Mikan said, "Thank you."

"You should get some sleep," her father said.

"Yes, honey," her mother concurred. "Sleep now. Let the medications do their job. We'll come back this evening."

"Call Hotaru for me. She'll be wondering why I'm not in school."

"I'll let her know," Mikan's mother said.

Through the plastic film of the oxygen tent, Mikan watched her parents leave, wishing she could go home with them. The oxygen made a faint hissing sound, and soon her eyelids felt heavy. She wanted to sleep and wake up when this nightmare was over. She wanted a healthy heart. She wanted to be normal. She wanted to ride her horse on their farm in upstate New York. Mikan Sakura wanted her life back.

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Mikan dreamed she was adrift in a boat on the Hudson River. She lay stretched out on a pallet of spring flowers, her long hair trailing onto the floor planks like the Lady of Shallot in a poem she'd read in English class. She was a petal floating on calm water, lazy, at peace, and free from pain. From the far bank, she heard soft, sultry guitar music. Mikan tried to raise her head and search for the musician but couldn't. It was as if she was tied to the pallet, unable to move. Her heart, her poor, sad heart, began to pound crazily.

She woke with a start, only to realize that her hospital bed was actually moving. She let out a cry. The bed stopped. A male face peered through the plastic film of her oxygen tent. Even through the distortion of the plastic, she saw that he was Latino, his face strong boned, his eyes red, and his hair thick and black.

"Forgive me for waking you," he said. "I thought I could move your bed to the window while you slept. I did not mean to frighten you, Sleeping Beauty."

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Hi guys!

So, what do you think?

Who could be this Latino guy? And where is Natsume?

Thank you for your reviews. I'll try to update soon.

rei michiru


	3. Chapter 3

**Natsume's Heart**

Genre: Romance/Drama

Summary: What if Gakuen Alice does not exist and they're just ordinary teenagers? Mikan is sick and dying and Natsume is a what! MxN pairing

Author's note: I don't own Gakuen Alice. My very first fanfic so please be gentle with your reviews ok?

**Chapter 3**

"Who are you?" Mikan asked. The head of the bed was elevated because it was easier for her to breathe and rest in an upright position.

His face broke into a heart-topping smile. "I am Natsume Hyuuga --- at your service. I work the four-to-midnight shift as an orderly. You would not remember me because I was but a janitor when you were last here. But I remember you --- the beautiful girl with the heart like paper."

She felt a self-conscious jolt. So she was the girl with the paper heart to him. Natsume wore green hospital scrubs. An earplug was tethered to the pocket in the center of his chest. "I was dreaming," she said. "I heard pretty music."

Quickly he reached into his pocket, and the music faded. "I listen to classical guitar music while I work."

"You don't have to turn it off."

"Later," he said with another smile. "I'm sorry you are sick and in the hospital again, Mikan."

He said her name with familiarity, as if they were old friends, and she found it strangely exciting. "I'm sorry too. I was hoping I wouldn't have to come back … especially so soon."

"I don't like to see you sad. Maybe when you wake in the morning the sun will be shining on the river. That's why I moved your bed while you were sleeping, to surprise you with the sunrise. Except I woke you instead. For that, I am also sorry."

"I don't mind. Really. Sleeping is all I have to do. Sleep and dream. I was dreaming that I was floating on the river in a boat." She didn't know why she told him that, except that she was fully awake and didn't want to be alone. Plus, she liked hearing him talk, the slight Spanish accent, the lyrical rhythm of his voice.

"And what happened in your dream?"

"Nothing … it was dumb." She didn't want to admit that she'd seen herself as a dead medieval princess.

"Dreams are never dumb. They are our fears and our deepest wishes. They tell us about ourselves."

She wondered if she was afraid. Or was she longing for peace and serenity such as she'd felt in the dream? "So you only came into the room to move my bed?" she asked.

"When this room is empty, I come and stand at the window and look down at the river. I think the water has stories to tell. And secrets."

"What kind of secrets?"

"The secrets belong to the river."

"Do you live near the river?"

"I live very far from it, but I have gone down and walked in the woods alongside the river many times."

"Has it told you any stories?"

"A few."

"Like what?"

He laughed. "You should be a lawyer. You ask so many questions."

"What has it told you?"

Natsume leaned closer. "It has told me that if I do not return to doing my job, I will no longer be working at the hospital."

She made a face. "That's sneaky. You just don't want to tell me. It's not like I can go down and listen to the river myself, you know."

"That's true." He glanced over his shoulder. "Perhaps I will tell you later."

"When?"

"You would like me to visit you again?" he looked surprised.

"Yes." She meant it because he intrigued her.

"But you will be asleep when I get off work."

"Then tomorrow."

He studied her face through the plastic tent, making her heart beat faster.

"I take my dinner break at nine."

"Eat fast, then come see me. Check first to see if I'm alone." She figured her parents would visit her every evening, but because they both worked at her father's store, they went home by nine-thirty.

"If that is what you want, I will come."

""And you'll tell me the river's secrets?"

"Only if you'll tell me your dream."

"A deal." She watched him back away. "I'm glad I woke up," she said, suddenly dreading being alone. Nights in the hospital seemed extra long.

"I hope you will get back to sleep quickly."

"It was the music, I think. The guitar sounded sad. And lonely. Like me."

He pulled the minidisk player out of his pocket and the plug from his ear. "Listen more, if you like."

"I can't take your disc player."

He pressed it into her hand just outside the tent. "I'll return for it tomorrow."

She watched duck out the door. In the quiet he left behind, she could hear the swish of he blood in her ears, the beep of the heart monitor beside her bed, the hiss of oxygen coming from the tubing. Talking to him had made it easy to forget how sick she was. She picked up the minidisk player, pulled it inside the tent, and put it against her cheek. It was still warm from his body.

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Hotaru came to visit the next afternoon, and Mikan told her about Natsume.

"Lucky you," Hotaru said. "I mean about meeting a cute guy, not about being back in the hospital."

"I guess without the one I wouldn't have had the other."

"True, but I wish you were back at school. Yuu asked Sumire to the Junior-Senior dance."

Mikan felt a wave of dismay. She'd been hoping Yuu Tobito would ask her. "Well, there goes my dream," she said. "How about you? Did Ruka ask you?"

"Not yet, but I heard he was going to."

Mikan realized again life was passing her by, leaving her with the wreckage of dreams and plans for a life she couldn't quite live because of her bad heart. She reached out and squeezed Hotaru's hand. "If he doesn't, you ask him. You're a junior too, and you can invite him just as easily."

Hotaru chewed her lower lip. "You think that would be alright? Because the suspense is killing me between wishing he would and being afraid he won't. Even if he says no, I won't be sitting around chewing my nails."

"I would ask him if I were you. Life's short."

"Oh, Mikan … I didn't mean ---"

"To make me feel bad? It's okay. I know my life's never going to be normal. Every time I think things will be all right, I get sick. It's just the way things are, Hotaru. I'm getting used to it."

"Well, I think your doctors should come up with some plan to fix you up. Why'd they go to medical school in the first place?"

Mikan sighed. "To hook me up to oxygen and heart monitors, I think."

"Bad doctors," Hotaru said, as if scolding a puppy.

"Not bad," Mikan said. "Just out of options."

When Hotaru left, Mikan turned toward the window and her view of the river below. In truth, she only had one option left, but that one was so scary that she could hardly stand to think about it. She looked at her bedside clock. In only a few more hours Natsume would return. "You will come, won't you?" she said to herself. _Please come. Please._

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Natsume smiled?!

Hotaru's scared?! But how could that be?! She's the 'Ice Princess'

What's happening?

Hope you like it. ---- rei michiru


	4. Chapter 4

**Natsume's Heart**

Genre: Romance/Drama

Summary: What if Gakuen Alice does not exist and they're just ordinary teenagers? Mikan is sick and dying and Natsume is a what! MxN pairing

Author's note: I don't own Gakuen Alice. My very first fanfic so please be gentle with your reviews ok?

**Chapter 4**

By nine-thirty that night, Natsume had still not come to see Mikan. She kept his disc player under her pillow and listened to the plaintive strains of the haunting classical guitar music until she got a lump in her throat and felt as if she'd cry from the sheer beauty of it. When her mother had seen Mikan with the player earlier, she'd asked, "Where did that come from?"

"I borrowed it from a friend."

"It was thoughtful of Hotaru to bring it," her mother said, making an assumption Mikan didn't bother to correct. "But your father and I can buy you one of your own. All you have to do is ask."

"I like this one."

"Why? I'm certain we can buy a better one. I'll research the different brands, and we can stop at an audio store tomorrow ---"

"This one is fine, Mom."

"But if you like it so much, why wouldn't you want one of your own?"

_Because if you buy me one, I have no reason to hold on to Natsume's,_ she thought."Mom, I don't have to own everything," she insisted. "I just like borrowing things once in a while. It makes me feel like someone expects me to live long enough to give them back."

Her mother hadn't mentioned it again, and now, as the hospital quieted down for the night, Mikan began to doubt that Natsume would come to retrieve his disc player at all. He probably had a bagful and went from room to room giving them out to lonely girls trapped in hospital beds.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mikan." Natsume ducked inside her room after ten o'clock. "I had to clean an operating room."

All her dark thoughts vanished at the sight of him. "I wasn't worried," she fibbed. "Plus I had your disc player. I figured you'd come back for it."

He came to her bedside. "The player is nothing. It is you I want to see."

Her feelings of rejection did an about-face. "Thank you for letting me borrow the player. I love the music."

He reached into his pocket and withdrew several minidisks. "Here are others."

"But it's your player, and I should give it back. My parents will buy me my own."

Natsume grinned. "Then you will have no reason to let me visit."

She returned his smile, touched that they'd shared the same thought. "You don't need a reason."

He placed the discs in her hand. "I can't stay. I have worked to do, but I could not begin again without seeing you first."

"Will you promise to come back tonight?"

His eyes clouded. "I don't know… Your doctor wants you to rest."

"I rest all day."

"It would be very late, and the nurse on duty ---"

"I don't care. The nurse takes vitals at twelve and three. You can visit between her rounds. Please. I'm lonely here."

His expression softened. "I can deny you nothing, Mikan. Spending time with you is my greatest wish. I never thought you'd consider spending time with someone like me."

"What's wrong with you?"

He shrugged. "I am only an orderly."

"So? Is that what you'll always be?"

"I'd like to go to medical school one day. I'd like to become a doctor."

"Who takes care of girls with paper hearts?"

"Who takes care of girls with beautiful hearts?"

He said such wonderful things to her, unlike the boys in her classes. She'd had crushes on several, but they all seemed to be very much into their own lives --- friends, sports, cars. If any of them had had a crush on her, it was a well-kept secret. "I should be out of this tent in a few days. I'll be mobile soon. Maybe we could go down to the rec room together."

"I have another job. I leave this one, go home, sleep, get up, and work at a grocery store in my neighborhood until it is time for me to leave for this job."

Her heart sank. "I --- I didn't mean to get carried away. Of course you have a life, and if you work until midnight, this must be the last place you want to be in the daytime."

He leaned closer, his eyes full of emotion. "I will cut back my hours at the grocery store if it means I can spend more time with you."

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do most anything for you."

"But why? You hardly know me."

"I have seen you come since I began my job here. There was something about you that touched my heart. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me. People do not choose how they feel about someone. You just one day see that special person, and your heart reacts. Your soul jumps up and you think, 'I've waited all my life to meet this person.' It has been that way for me, Mikan. From the time I first saw you, I cared for you."

She was shocked speechless.

Natsume took a step backward. "I have said too much, haven't I? Forgive me. I didn't mean to push myself on you."

"No one's ever said anything like that to me before." No one ever confessed to adoring her, especially since her heart had gone bad. Few guys seemed even to want to be around an invalid. "I think I like hearing it," she added shyly.

His smile lit up his face. "I have wanted to tell you every time you came into the hospital how I felt, but I did not know you, and until last night I had little hope of meeting you. I expect nothing from you, Mikan. You may never feel for me as I do for you, and that's all right."

"There's not much I can giveback to you, Natsume. But if you'll visit me, you know, give me a little of your time, well, I'd like that a lot."

Their gazes locked and held. Mikan felt her insides turn to jelly.

"I'll come tomorrow afternoon early, before my shift begins," he said. "Is that okay?"

"Totally okay." The air felt charged. She held out her hand and he brushed his fingers across her palm, sending shivers up her spine.

"Until tomorrow,"Natsume said.

"Are you positive you don't want your disc player back?" she asked.

"It's not needed. Now I have music in my heart." He slipped out her room.

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So, what do you think?!

Is it getting too mushy for your taste guys?

Please let me know.

Anyways, I don't have any idea for the ending yet. Hopefully I can finish this fanfic before the semester break ends.

---rei michiru


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